Forgiveness is an essential element in healing any emotional wound. There are many means whereby forgiveness can be achieved. Praying for divine assistance is always a good idea ("Dear Lord please help me unburden myself from this anger"). A technique that I have found to be helpful, both personally and professionally, is "working a forgiveness affirmation." The method I use involves saying three words "I forgive -- -- -- (the name of the person for whom we are burdened with angry feelings)" out loud at least 70 times in a row for seven days in a row. The repetition causes the conscious critical mind to lose interest and allow the positive concept to sink in. As a positive affirmation starts reprogramming the unconscious mind, negative energy (which frequently takes the form of blocking thoughts) will be released. If a blocking thought is very strong make note of it; as, this is an excellent clue as to what further work needs to be done.
There are three people for whom working a forgiveness affirmation is usually very helpful (yourself and each of your parents).
By way of the example, if we are working the affirmation "I forgive me" (generally best to start with self – please note the absence of specification as to what is being forgiven, since the source of our conscious anger is usually only the tip of the iceberg). Blocking thoughts could come as "this is really stupid, it can't work." Don't worry about this. You need not believe in it for an affirmation to work. Blocking thoughts may also take the form: "I'm not angry with myself" or "I already forgave myself" to which I say "just try working the affirmation." If it were true that you are totally at peace with yourself, you'd be completely at peace with everyone – an ideal seldom achieved. Once you've conquered the initial blocking thoughts and have been working the affirmation for several days, you may think "it seems kind of silly, but I think I feel lighter." This is great; but, be prepared to get hit by a strong blocking thought. For example: "I can never forgive myself for being such a disappointment to my mother." This is a clue that you will also need to work a forgiveness affirmation for your mother – "I forgive (use whatever name you call her, or called her when the hurt occurred)" using the same formula 70 times in a row for seven days in a row.
You may discover that even though you had no awareness of being angry with your mother, locked away in your unconscious was hurt that it was so hard to please her, or holding her responsible for our shortcomings because failing and disappointing her was the easiest way to get attention.
Sometimes we are afraid to let anger go, because of the belief that without it we will be unprotected. Actually the opposite is true. There is very good reason why the samurai tradition required emotional neutrality before going into combat. Our angry feelings (conscious or otherwise) are the hook whereby an adversary can bring us down to their level.
Our society considers it "bad to be mad," anger has become a major destructive emotion. All too often we suppress our anger and consider it to be forgiveness. Forgiveness requires first accepting the legitimacy of our anger. If the anger is out of proportion to the triggering event, it is most likely because the triggering event has something in common with other events that have been suppressed.
Anger can be right and proper such as a reaction to abuse of children or the destruction of our environment. It is suppressed anger that becomes a health problem. As with all things, prevention is the best medicine. The extent to which we are able to see the situation through the eyes of another is the extent to which we will experience their attacks on us as lessons rather than provocations.
To summarize; #1 Do not be afraid of anger. #2 When dealing with anger first look for its justification. #3 Root it out and release it.